I'm having a mid-life crisis, except if this is mid-life I'll be severely pissed. I'm not even 25 yet. Crap. That's old when you're still at university, living the life of a student as much as possible and you count your best friends as band members.
I don't even know what a mid-life crisis feels like, except my boyfriend is 21, my friends all range from 20 to 28 and I am the only one with the child - four, full of attitude and clever as fuck, not to mention beautiful. All around me, people are settling down, getting married and popping out babies like there's no tomorrow. Thankfully, the close knit circle of friends have yet to pop out any questions, or sprogs because then, well I don't know what I'll do.
It's not like I don't want people to be happy - I do. I just don't want constant reminders that everyone is growing up and that real life is actually on the doorstep rather than a million miles away. It's scary. Unchartered territory and I don't like it.
Yes, okay, I've got the munchkin but she is more like a little sister or housemate rather than my actual child. It's her and me against the world, and the minute someone else introduces a mini-me, things will change and I don't think I am quite ready for that.
The ironic thing is the other day, whilst in the city of love with my Mr Darcy, there was a baby on the metro who smiled at me. I felt sick at myself for even imagining what life would be like with another. Thankfully said baby, probably sent by Satan to try and tempt me into giving life up again, started crying and I settled back down content with just Mr Darcy and me.
I have a plan for world domination, peace, the solution to global warming, the answer to the chaotic economy and still a degree to get before the real family settling down begins. I'm still waiting for various band members to whisk me away and propose on a moonlit beach, and I don't mean Blackpool beach. I still want to find the perfect band and elevate them to stardom and earn me millions. I can't do that with two children and a husband in tow.
So, yeah. All you lovely, smugly married people who are at it like rabbits; give it a rest for a couple of nights and stick the TV on. It'll be cheaper, less stress and you can turn it off. Failing that, use a condom? There're still people like me in hiding from this 'real life' business.